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Not Going Postal

3/20/2018

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A few weeks ago our door bell rang, and then quickly rang again.  Reacting to the insistence, my wife and I both bolted toward the door from different spots, with her getting there first.  From the top of the stairway I could hear her having a somewhat heated conversation, with the heat coming from a voice I didn’t recognize.  The conversation soon ended, and my wife came upstairs to decompress.

I discovered our mail carrier was not happy with our front yard landscaping.  She was specifically miffed by an offending plant that was blocking her shortcut to the house next door.  Mind you this recently planted plant was about the size of a fist.  But to her it was a major blockade, and there was no way she was going to “waste her time” going back down the walkway.  

Beyond the injustice perpetrated, we were also putting her on the horns of a dilemma.  Would we make her do an injustice to the plant by stepping on it or an injustice to herself by retracing her steps?  We were cruelly putting her in a no win situation and she less than subtly indicated our mail service might suffer unless something was done.

I reacted objectively as always: “Are you friggin’ kidding me?”  You’re telling me she wants us to re-plant our mini-landscaping so she can shorten her shortcut?  We’d never even seen her deliver our mail much less know the nuances of the route she took.  Is the term “disgruntled postal worker” an oxymoron or what?  Isn’t this sense of entitlement the reason the Postal service is losing money?  

I’ve had it!  This is beyond the pale, even in PCeattle!  I’m going to call up her supervisor and cancel our mail service!  That’ll fix her!!!!

And us of course.  She gets one less house to deliver mail to and we get bupkis.  Sensing I was going a bit inane, I decided to take the road less traveled, actually sitting back for a second and trying to get perspective.  OK, maybe our house does have quite a few steps which are a hassle to get up and down.  Maybe she was having a bad day.  Maybe she was sick and tired of schlepping all that mail in all that rain with all that flora in her way.

And more than maybe, I needed to take a look at myself.  Did I want to be the type of person that goes ballistic at every slight that comes my way?  The type of person who see everything in us vs. them terms, with them the instigators and me (us) the victim?  Someone who walks around pissed off at life and looks for reasons to stay that way?

A part of me does, yes.  But a larger and deeper part of me wants to do the right thing for the right reasons, the part I’m most trying to cultivate.  To this end I’ve been memorizing biblical passages recently, including Colossians 3:12, which says to “clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”  How should I act in this situation with these virtues in mind?

The next day I was still stewing on all these subtleties when I heard the clank of someone dropping mail in our box.  It was her!  Without thinking I bolted out the door and.....actually loved on her!  I said I was sorry for the inconvenience and sincerely asked what we might move in the future to make things easier for her.  Her countenance seemed to soften as I did so, and she said thanks for caring about her concerns.

Was this the right thing to do?  Ninety percent of me thought so, with the other ten percent thinking I’d overreacted, glossing over the challenges presented.  But mostly it felt good to love this person.  I know the clothes of compassion and kindness often don’t fit me, but at least I’m trying them on.

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Winning and Losing

3/3/2018

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“For when the One Great Scorer comes        
To mark against your name,
He writes - not that you won or lost -
But how you played the Game.
"Alumnus Football” 
--Grantland Rice

Recently I play a tennis match at the Washington State Tournament at the Seattle Tennis Club.  Gorgeous day.  Amazing setting.  My lovely wife Hattie and great friend Denny were watching.  I competed well in a 2 and 1/2 hour match against the 2nd seeds in the tournament.  I played with Joe Cannon, a friend of over 40 years, in an experience which drew us closer and cemented our relationship.

But we lost.  So it sucked.

Two weeks later I played in another tournament with much more challenging conditions.  My partner Joe had injured a stomach muscle and had to serve underhanded during our matches.  Some of our opponents were nice, one in particular was downright surly.  At times the whole experience felt like a trial by fire, and not just because we played in the stifling heat of an indoor tournament in August.

But we made it to the finals of a national tournament.  So it was really cool.

Sports is about winning and losing, isn’t it?  That’s why we like it so much.  In our lives filled with nuances and quandaries and indecision and uncertainties, we can gravitate to the dualistic thinking of sports.  We hear about a game or match and we ask: Who won?  Cut and dry and simple.

Unlike the rest of life.

Which is why I tend to poo poo my lifelong addiction to sports, both as a participant and a fan.  Isn’t it just a diversion, an escape from the more important things in life?  The stress on winning and losing is polarized thinking; truth is usually about both sides having merit and infinitely more.  

I must be a loser to be so caught up with winning.

But if truth is about both sides having merit, isn’t there something to say about wanting to win?  There is in the Bible.  1st Corinthians 9:24 says: “Do you know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize?  Run in such a way that you may win.”   

Hmmm.

Maybe it’s just important to not run from the paradox.  Winning as doing your best and competing against yourself and using your gifts is good.  So is losing, as in losing your life to gain it, losing yourself in love, losing your self made protective props.  And the balance can be found with that Loser/Winner Jesus, the itinerant preacher was born in a stable and died on a cross but who changed the world like no other person in history.  He’s my Great Scorer, and through Him I hope to play with perspective.



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    RICK GRANT

    I am a psychotherapist and freelance writer with a background as a professional athlete (tennis). My studies and background with Pastoral Counseling reveal an interest in both spirituality and psychology. I am the author of “INSPIRED: Churches of Seattle” and have written dozens of magazine articles (including a few for the Wittenberg Door). My wife Hattie and I together have 3 children and 7 grandchildren.

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