One of the most profound experiences of my life happened the day my mother died. An aortic aneurism had brought her to the hospital, and my whole family surrounded her bed monitoring her vital signs as she lay unconscious. Seeing her in this vulnerable state unleashed a torrent of emotion in me, as years of self-protective anger and ambivalence toward her vanished immediately. In the ensuing days I envisioned myself crawling up to my mother and grabbing her ankles, seeking her solace and forgiveness.
I was reminded of this experience recently when I walked into the Shrine of the Blessed Virgin Mary inside St. James Cathedral. I entered on a quest, a desire to get some perspective on Mary, a polarizing person in some church circles who I just wanted to get to know better.
Mary stood serenely, holding the Baby Jesus and surrounded by a myriad of candles. I too was standing, observing from a distance, and what I saw in that pristine face wasn’t providing any answers.
But then I knelt down, and now her bowed head and face seemed to be looking right at me. I was now in the same humble position I had envisioned being in with my mother the days after her death.
Do you have something to say to me Mary? Is my ambivalence toward you also a protection that can be released?
For most of my life Mary has been a bit of a mystery to me. I know I’m not alone. Part of the challenge is how to approach her. Respect? Veneration? Adoration? Worship? Certainly few of us believe Mary is equated with God but the fact she was God’s mom means something. She is certainly worthy of our study, worthy of our respect and depending upon your belief system, worthy of much more.
Some lack of clarity in approaching Mary has led others to fill in the blanks for us, sometimes co-opting Mary for their own purposes. I’ve spent most of my life going to Protestant churches, and it seemed like Mary was the best kept secret in Christianity. Was this an objective ambivalence about Mary’s life and role or merely a centuries old sectarian holdover from the Reformation?
The Catholic Church has a fuller formed teaching on Mary, emphasizing the Immaculate Conception, Mary as “Mother of God”, and the Assumption of Mary into heaven. There is also an emphasis on Mary’s role as an intercessor with God on our behalf, a concept (along with the Assumption) which is a bit less palatable to Protestants. Objections over these views from various sources have put Catholics on the defensive, and defending a position is always more challenging than critiquing it.
That being said, it wasn’t the theological approach of Mary that was engaging me as I knelt at her feet–it was experiencing the mother of God and mine. Were the two one and the same–was my renewed interest in Mary merely a desire to re-connect with my mom? Some might think so, but I was looking for more, and looking for more than memories to a real presence of both.
Did I find it? Like many spiritual experiences, the end results were both baffling and enlightening as I left the Shrine with many questions but with a sense that something powerful had happened. And I also left with a renewed desire to find perspective on Mary, not wanting to wait to the end of my life to open my heart to her.
I was reminded of this experience recently when I walked into the Shrine of the Blessed Virgin Mary inside St. James Cathedral. I entered on a quest, a desire to get some perspective on Mary, a polarizing person in some church circles who I just wanted to get to know better.
Mary stood serenely, holding the Baby Jesus and surrounded by a myriad of candles. I too was standing, observing from a distance, and what I saw in that pristine face wasn’t providing any answers.
But then I knelt down, and now her bowed head and face seemed to be looking right at me. I was now in the same humble position I had envisioned being in with my mother the days after her death.
Do you have something to say to me Mary? Is my ambivalence toward you also a protection that can be released?
For most of my life Mary has been a bit of a mystery to me. I know I’m not alone. Part of the challenge is how to approach her. Respect? Veneration? Adoration? Worship? Certainly few of us believe Mary is equated with God but the fact she was God’s mom means something. She is certainly worthy of our study, worthy of our respect and depending upon your belief system, worthy of much more.
Some lack of clarity in approaching Mary has led others to fill in the blanks for us, sometimes co-opting Mary for their own purposes. I’ve spent most of my life going to Protestant churches, and it seemed like Mary was the best kept secret in Christianity. Was this an objective ambivalence about Mary’s life and role or merely a centuries old sectarian holdover from the Reformation?
The Catholic Church has a fuller formed teaching on Mary, emphasizing the Immaculate Conception, Mary as “Mother of God”, and the Assumption of Mary into heaven. There is also an emphasis on Mary’s role as an intercessor with God on our behalf, a concept (along with the Assumption) which is a bit less palatable to Protestants. Objections over these views from various sources have put Catholics on the defensive, and defending a position is always more challenging than critiquing it.
That being said, it wasn’t the theological approach of Mary that was engaging me as I knelt at her feet–it was experiencing the mother of God and mine. Were the two one and the same–was my renewed interest in Mary merely a desire to re-connect with my mom? Some might think so, but I was looking for more, and looking for more than memories to a real presence of both.
Did I find it? Like many spiritual experiences, the end results were both baffling and enlightening as I left the Shrine with many questions but with a sense that something powerful had happened. And I also left with a renewed desire to find perspective on Mary, not wanting to wait to the end of my life to open my heart to her.
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